Honestly I can’t believe I haven’t posted since I had been forcibly humbled by a failing grade in my major subject. Since then I had my hours cut in half, I had been healing a achilles heel condition that has kept me from working out, my laptop died for good, I lost my mind to stress when my teenaged cousin was being preparing for a finger amputation from a fireworks attack, and then we received a large 6 month utility bill when I got home. Then more family started dying, with two so far from my father’s side. I am expecting two more on my mother’s side before long. It has been one crisis after another, and then there was my guilt-based lack of resilience (the punishment submission attitude), which through these ordeals I have since corrected.

One positive is that my cousin’s tragedy has put a lot of things in perspective. It helped me begin to cut through some moping that I had been habitually doing without having to revert to becoming one of those repressed sociopaths to do it. I’m not lying, I’ve lost a lot, but nothing that I don’t still have a chance at rescuing, like a finger. Mostly I’ve just lost time, money, patience, opportunities, and respect by being unable to break loose from myself from what was a threateningly chronic anxiety condition for almost two decades, perhaps for a decade too many. When all that is holding you back is psychological, well it looks bad on you which makes it worse but sometimes making it worse doesn’t make it any better, and that’s when they send in the Cognitive Behavior Therapists, to identify what is really at work here. Usually in the end a way of thinking you are not used to is required to see the bugaboo because all that you have been told and advised has not helped. I had finally been on a full time wellness campaign ever since I had been reduced to divorce meat a few years ago and so I have had the momentum behind me and on one of my own recent lying awake late at night in bed sessions I think I may have actually unraveled the origin of my anxiety trigger sans therapy. Believe it or not.

Anyway, about the device I’m making for your entertainment. It doesn’t work either. It is in fact almost completely unpredictable. I have basically I have to troubleshoot whether I am using an inductor incorrectly, or if I am using an op-amp incorrectly, or if I have a faulty part. Sometimes the LED lights up if I take the negative lead of the inductor out, or if I take them both out (essentially removing the inductor). Sometimes removing the inductor doesn’t do anything. Mostly the op-amp really likes it if I am touching the positive lead on the inductor when the negative lead has been disconnected and it rewards me with the brightest LED response. It’s a challenge to my perseverance, and mostly my patience.

And school begins in one month. Two math classes, botany and the wicked wicked data structures class.